mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
