He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
