I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Drunk is a universal language darling
My feet surprised me
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
