you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
