Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
