I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
