How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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