have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
