Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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