Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
