i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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