dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
