Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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