P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
