there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize