I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Drunk is a universal language darling
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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