She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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