I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
