I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
