I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
