i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
