hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
