HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
