She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize