theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Your dad touched me again.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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