I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
