Can i not drive my cunt home
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
