if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Come share oat with me in your robe
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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