Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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