Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
