Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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