3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
