my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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