If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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