I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Let's get the cat blown out
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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