I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
