I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
