all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
