too bad you live with your parents still
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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