I hate all girls vehemently.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
