i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
