he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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