giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
