need another drink. this is the easiest way
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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