I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
