She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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