if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
