im drinking this country out of the recession.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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