if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
