i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
