I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize