i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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