just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize