We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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