I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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