What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
