I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I understand Curling. That high.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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