Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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