In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
