i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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