Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
