That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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