Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
