your parents love me but you hate me
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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