and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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