I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
