...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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