fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
